Vent!

It is time for me to vent. I've been quite upset for the past few days. I have several reasons why I have been upset. It's mainly about friends, an ex-boyfriend, prom, and the future. Let's start off with friends.

I feel that some of my friends have chosen their significant others over friends. I know some of them don't mean to, but sometimes, things are just placed that way. I was pretty upset over the fact that anyone would choose their boyfriend/girlfriend over a friend they have known for what seems a long time. It's been bugging me for a while. I just never spoke up about it until now...and possibly in my last few blogs. This is just me trying to make people realize something. Just think about who is going to be there for you in the end. Yes, I understand that some friendships don't last forever and I understand friendships drift at times. Even though some of my friends and I have drifted, I still manage to assure them from time to time that I'm still there for them and that I'm there for them no matter what and until the very end.

I also have another friend that I personally think is trying to cause drama for the whole darn world. I believe this person is upset that some things are going to come back to normal and that a friendship may slowly drift once more. I personally think you're not over it. I wasn't speaking to them and you just happened to temporarily replace me. Now that we are back on track and working slowly towards the growth of our friendship's strenth and due to you being total BFFLs with them, you know that this was bound to happen and you don't want it to go back to normal. You like the way it is now because you're needed by them. You're being used. I'm sorry. I wasn't there for the person and the person even told me that they only spoke to you because no one else would talk to them. Well, accept the fact that it's going back to normal to how the way things were.

I'm hoping LNPRN is heading back to how things were between all three of us. I missed us SO much, it's not even funny. I miss the stupidest moments we had. I miss walking to 6th period with each other. I miss our random adventures to Target. I miss all the things we did during Winter Break. Dang, we went through a lot, no lie. We were like this *crosses fingers. Now we're going to get back on track.

With prom, I'm upset that my friend and I went through a lot just to convince another friend to go to prom. Her boyfriend's in the airforce and she refused to go to prom if it's not with him. My friend and I worked our magic, went through all the trouble of calling recruiters on how to help the friend's boyfriend come home that weekend for prom. It's all going to work out just as long as he pays for his ticket, gets the guestpass signed, and the copy of his ID, too. I did NOT go through all the hassle of calling recruiters and shit just so I can have her back out on me at last minute. -__- I hate that bullcrap. I hate having things changed at last minute. I hate how some people are just so indecisive and CAN'T MAKE UP THEIR MIND ON WHAT THE FUCK THEY WANT ('naw what I mean, jellybean?!?!?) Whatever, it's her night, she can do whatever she wants with it. Her mother did not just spend time on making her the prom dress either. I just really wanted a night where all of us were finally together celebrating our long lasting friendship and whatever the hell we went through with each other our senior year. It's our SENIOR PROM, for goodness sake. Who cares if we already had the prom experience? Let's all experience our last prom together. We all have different dates. I mean, yeah, there's always Aloha, but are we all going to be there together at Aloha? I don't know. Whatever, my point being is, I really want us to all together at prom, or I will regret going to prom.

College scares me. The expenses scare me. The experience is going to scare me just as well. I'm not sure if I'm ready to head out to the real world yet.

Now the ex-boyfriend. Yes, readers, I'm not over him yet. Jeez, cut me some slack, will you? I miss the guy, I really do. We went through a lot, no lie. He's the P to my LNPRN. He's MY cutayyy and I'm his cutaayyy. I miss him terribly and so much that it hurts. I cried myself to sleep last night. I was looking through all the pictures I've taken with him and it just made me reminisce back on how things were back just a few months ago. We had a really tight and great relationship, but apparently he wasn't ready for a serious one. Now he's with a little sophomore. I'm pissed off at the fact that we were still flirting and holding hands and kissing or whatever and whatnot about a month and a half after the breakup and he jumps into a relationship a week after displaying affection to me. I don't understand this boy. We all know that he doesn't know what he wants. He's not even taking his current girlfriend seriously. I'm also mad at how he's putting up a total front and making it seem like she is THE best girlfriend in the world, when he's not taking her seriously. I may sound jealous, but why the HELL would I be jealous of a little sophomore? She has my sloppy seconds. Whatever. My point is, I miss the guy. I was doing so well for that month I wasn't friends with him, but that letter he wrote to me...it really got to me. I just don't like how he had changed so drastically. It's not the Luis Avila that I know. The Luis Avila that I see right now has a nasty personality and selfish attitude. What happened to that sweet guy that I fell in love with? What happened to guy I gave my only PHANtastic hugs to? I want THAT Luis back. He doesn't realize he's changed. I don't know what to do. It's hard to let go of someone you fell hard for. It wasn't supposed to be like this. :/ I'll finish up tomorrow or something. I'm getting teary-eyed and sleepy. [1:30AM]