Tired ):

Morning. I forgot to finish my blog entry last night so I decided to start a new one this morning. Let's get a recap of the weekend. Friday was the drive to Ontario Mills Outlet mall. That mall seemed like it took forever to just walk around. There's like 10 "neighborhoods" in that mall. I wasn't really feeling any of the dresses that I saw at Group USA. It's because they didn't exactly have my SIZE. I saw THE royal blue dress that I had seen online there. It was the same exact dress, but FML, it was $209! I'm not going to spend 2 bills on a dress that I'm only going to wear ONCE in my life. There was a cute dress at Windsor, but it was $109. I only had $50 with me, so I said "Neh, I'm straight." Off topic, I'm craving an Auntie Anne's sour cream 'n' onion pretzel. MMMGOOD. I ended up finding a dress I really liked at David's Bridal, but I didn't like their deal with the layaway thing. I left and got home by like 6:30, I believe. I didn't exactly want to be at home, but I knew my mom was going to trip 'cause I went out so "late" or whatever. I think the whole sneaking out tripped me out for the rest of the weekend. I snuck out to talk to a friend that I haven't spoken with for over a month. If you know who it is, good for you. Just don't say the name out loud or comment about it. I know it's obvious about who it is, but still. Thanks. Anyway, -- had written me an apology letter and how much he had missed me, missed being able to call me his friend, and missed be able to talk to me or whatever. The letter was heartfelt to me. Here, I'll let you read it for yourself:

Dear Nancy, Before I say anything at all, I just want to say that I really miss you I miss being able to talk to you. I miss being able to call you my friend. But my main reason for writing this letter is to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you or make you mad at me. I especially want to apologize for the whole _____ thing. I should have never done that to you last minute. I'm really sorry for making you waste time and money on the _____. I wasn't expecting you to be that into it. But anyways, I'm really sorry for everything. I don't want us to hate each other. I want us to be friends again. I want us to be able to talk to each other. I don't want to feel uncomfortable at lunch anymore. I want to go to lunch and be able to talk to everyone and be happy. I hate having to isolate myself from everyone so that I don't feel weird. I miss you nancy and I really want us to be friends again. I really do hope you forgive me. I'm sorry.
--________________, your ________

So yeah, what do you guys think? I mean, I'm pretty much GLAD that he realized how much he messed up with me and messed up what used to be our friendship. Yes, it was both of our faults, but I blame it more on him because of the stunt he pulled on me. I got screwed over big time. You don't EVER f***ing screw over and mess with a damn PHAN, 'cause you will regret it. I can guarantee that. After I had read the letter, I texted him that we'll talk about this later on in the day when he comes home. I texted him around 7pm that same day (Thursday). He had fallen asleep and I was like "What the hell, you knew we were supposed to talk!" but I got over it. I told him we'll talk the next day after I come back home from the mall. So then, that day (Friday), I had texted him as soon as I got home. I was totally blown off because he was with his girlfriend. I was like "Wtf, you KNEW we were going to talk to him." He knew I was upset from the last text I sent him saying "OMG NVFM..." He texted me 3 hours later apologizing to me about earlier. I said , "Nah it's cool. I mean yeah GF > Friend. When you're not busy with your fambam, friends, or her, feel free to pencil me into your schedule." Then he tells me that he feels bad. I pretended to act like I didn't know why he felt bad so I asked him why he felt bad. He said "I keep leaving you on the hang." I told him "Well, I'm an understanding person. You have far more important things than me and working out this friendship, but knowing you, you'll make time for me (:" He said that he was free right at that moment and it was getting late already. I told him to just come 'cause I was able to sneak out. That's exactly what I did. I snuck out and we talked that night, FINALLY. The first thing we did was give each other a hug. It's been a while since I've been able to hug him and it felt so good to just be able to hug him again. We started talking and he apologized first and told me how much he missed me and I apologized too, for my own reasons and I told him that I had missed him too. We discussed a lot that I prefer to keep between us. Everything went well. Our friendship is back on track, but we're taking it slow because I told him that we can't just pick up from where we left off. The next day, which was Saturday, I totally bummed it out. I decided to leave -- a long comment on his MySpace. Apparently, his girlfriend's SISTER tripped out on my comment by saying "What's going on with that comment under me? I'm not really liking that "last night" bullcrap. We need to talkk mister." so I had to re-comment. It's just freakin' MySpace and she's tripping out about it. You're f***ing 19, dude. Get over it. You can't accept the fact that he has friends that are girls that he hangs out with? Besides, I wouldn't be saying crap if I were you 'cause of all the b.s. that I've heard. Someone is just having too much fun not staying committed! >:] Anyway, I didn't do much on Saturday. I really just slept a lot because I'm extremely tired for no reason. On Sunday, I went to temple late like always. I helped served lunch for 150+. After lunch was done, I had to take care of the older girls inside the temple to make sure they weren't messing around and junk because I don't exactly have to learn with them anymore. I'm in training to become a leader. HAHA, I'm such a nerd! While I was at temple, a friend texted me and I wanted to bonk him in the head because what he was texting me was some stupid bulls***. Here, I'll let you read it

--: hey I just remembered something I was gonna mention that night we talked

Me: what’s up

--: I didn’t really appreciate the fact that you were talking crap about my gf. Especially when you know nothing about her or who she was at the time

Me: I don’t even remember what I said. But I’m sorry?

--: I don’t wanna bring that back up but I really didn’t appreciate that. I had a few people tell me that you were talking crap. I don’t wanna hear it again

Me: well my bad for saying shit I didn’t mean any of it. I was just talking out of anger. I’m hearing the same thing just vice versa. I wanna tell you everything I heard but I can’t ‘cause I know you wouldn’t believe me. & right now you’d probably take her side instead of mine. It seems that you would choose a significant other’s side than a friend’s side so whenever I feel it’s right to tell you, then I’ll tell you

--: I never said anything. I had no reason to.

Me: well I’m hearing otherwise but we’ll have to talk about this another time.

--: what you’re hearing is wrong. Like I said, I had no reason to talk so I didn’t. I just don’t wanna hear about you talking crap anymore

Me: I’ve stopped for a while and I don’t plan on doing it again. What I heard that you say isn’t true isn’t even HALF of all the crap I heard so just wait till it’s right to talk about it. I promise you won’t hear shit from me about her anymore.

--: good cuz things won’t be too pretty if it continues. There won’t be another time to talk about this. That’s why I brought it up now

Me: You know, I don’t like the fact that you would threaten our friendship like that over something stupid that I did. I already stopped. Yeah there IS going to be a next time we’re going to talk about this because it fucking relates to YOU

--: things can get ugly, nancy. And no there won’t be

Me: yeah I KNOW things can get ugly. Fine. That’s your ultimatum. I get it. I don’t like the fact that you would choose a relationship over a friendship but whatever. Apparently my opinion doesn’t matter anymore. Just remember who’s gonna be there for you in the end. This convo’s done and over with. It’s never going to be brought up again.

After this, I was freakin' HELLA pissed off. I seriously don't get this guy. Here he was trying to make our friendship work out and now he's THREATENING our friendship. So what if I talked crap about his girlfriend? I already stopped a long ass time ago. I had a right to, and I never meant anything I said except maybe the part where she isn't pretty and that he's totally pedoing her because she's only FIFTEEN and he's EIGHTEEN. She's the reason why our friendship was f***ed up. Now you're going to f***ing tell me that if you hear me talking crap about her, things will get ugly?!? Excuse me, asshole. You're the one that f***ed up real bad with me and you're the one that's trying to be my friend again. You should NOT be threatening our friendship like that. I should be the one giving you a f***ing ultimatum. You act as if your girlfriend is more important than my friendship with you. You are obviously choosing a relationship that you aren't even SERIOUS about because I know what you're doing, you dirtyf***, over a friendship. How the hell can you do that to me? Think about who the f*** is going to be there for you in the damn f***ing end. Is SHE going to be there? I don't f***ing think so! You KNOW for a fact that I'M going to be there in the f***ing end for you. I hate the fact that sometimes, I have to point out the mistakes that you are making. I cannot wait till Karma comes biting you in the ass for what you're doing right now. Maybe after this happens, you'll learn to NEVER EVER choose a girlfriend over a friend, especially with ME. That's some f***ed up shit, but apparently you don't notice it because you're stubborn as f***. I seriously don't know what to do with you. I'm not going to bother talking to you right now because you're obviously putting up a front and I know deep down you don't give a rat's ass about your relationship right now. Watch, it's going to come biting you in the ass and you don't even KNOW it. Will I be there for you when this happens? Honestly, I don't know. You either realize what you're doing now, or no one is going to be there for you at all. I knew it was a mistake to let you off so easy. I know better now.

Anyway, I'm going to get out of bed and eat now. I'm hungryyyy ): I'll blog some more laterrrr :D